Monday, February 4, 2013

Confessions of an Ali Cat- Excerpt and Review


BLURB:"You know what they say...a happy vagina is a happy woman. Well, they might not say that, but they should." -Alli

Thirty-five year-old Allison "Alli" Lancaster has it all--a fabulous job, a beautiful 15 year-old daughter, a hilarious BFF and a gorgeous house with a pool and Jacuzzi in an exclusive Las Vegas neighborhood. What she doesn't have is a husband, because she kicked her lousy, cheating ex to the curb nine months ago. Since then, Alli has paid her dues with seemingly endless self-improvement and seemingly endless mourning. Now she's ready to move on and try new things.

Alli's idea of "trying new things" is nothing like that devil-of-a-best-friend of hers. Somehow, Sara, the devil of a best friend, talks Alli into trying out a sex toy, sleeping with a younger man and letting a stranger in a lab jacket put hot wax on a place that should never, ever, ever see wax. And that's only the beginning.

Alli never saw her life going quite like this. She also never thought she'd meet someone else who had the very real potential to change her life forever.

But she did.

Enter the new guy. He's gorgeous, refined and mature. He's also marriage material. But that poses a problem for Alli, who renounced the institution of marriage when she renounced her ex. What's a girl to do?

They say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. But what the heck happens when you can't leave Vegas? Well, you spin the wheel, of course. You play the game and let the chips fall where they may.

Alli just hopes she can find them all.

Excerpt:

My vagina has decided that she hates me.
This much is true and apparent.
I wake up with my crotch still on fire.  Sort of.  It’s okay, really, until it rubs against something.  Like fabric or a chair or a sheet or anything at all.  It’s a little inconvenient since I can’t go to work naked.
I groan as I step into the shower, imagining the day I’m going to have.
And then I scream as the hot water runs down over my vag.  It may as well be boiling.
Cold water!
Cold water!
Cold water!
My brain is screaming at me and I fumble with the water, turning it all the way over to cold. Which of course leaves me screaming and hopping as I try to adjust it to a tepid temperature that I can actually stand in while I wash my hair.
All the commotion, of course, brings Sophie running into my bathroom.
“Are you alright?” she shouts. “Did you fall?”
“I’m fine!” I call back.  “Just had a surge of hot water scald me to death.  It’s fine.  Go get ready for school.  But hey- can you put the tea kettle on the stove on your way back through the kitchen?”
“Okay,” she answers, already turning around.  Her concern for my well-being is overwhelming.  I could have first degree burns in here and she wouldn’t care.
I’m going to be a bitch today.  I can already tell.  It’s just one of those days.
I take the shortest shower in the history of mankind, then towel off before I pad to the kitchen and make a cup of tea with six teabags.  I dunk them a few times, then lay them on a saucer to cool, just as I watched Shade do it last night.
I return to my room and pull on a black pencil skirt, and a hot pink silk blouse.  I have the perfect pair of heels to match it.  By this time, my tea bags have cooled enough, so I shove my skirt up to my waist, lay flat on my back on my bed and cover my crotch with the wet bags.
Ahhhhhhh.  If my vagina had a nirvana, this might be it.  Well, this would be its Nirvana today, anyway.  My vagina is sort of a fickle little thing.
I am remembering how Shade carefully arranged the bags for me last night, his long fingers moving them around just so, when I hear a rushed voice.
“Hey, mom, I need some money for lunch---“
Sophie bursts into my room and skids to a stop, her look a priceless cross between horror and shock.  I’m sure it mirrors my own.  I scramble to sit up and yank my skirt down, and as I do, the wet tea bags scatter on the white carpet of my bedroom.
I’m not sure what to do first, pick them up before they stain or try to explain to my daughter what she just saw.
“Um.”  I bend to yank the bags up and Sophie shakes her head.
“You are so weird, mom.”
And she walks back out.
“There’s money in my wallet!” I call to her.
No answer.
I’ve probably scarred my kid for life.



Review rating: 4 LIGHTNING BOLTS

Review:  I want to introduce you to someone. Her name is Ali, and she's raw, real, occasionally crude, but she's a character that while reading her story, I laughed out loud. Like, cover your mouth to make sure you don't look like a fool laughing.

But what else is a woman to do? She's newly divorced, her ex is a world class jerk, and it's time to get back in the game. if not the dating game, then at least some satisfaction! Can't hurt, right?

Well, no, but the road leading her on the try new things path isn't exactly a walk in the park. Ali finds herself in some...interesting situations.  But you know what the great thing is? She's learning. About herself, about what she wants, and so much more.

Confessions of an Ali cat is hilarious! it's on the edge of unbelievable to I-can-so-see-that-happen-to-someone. Ali is a well created character. Sometimes, she has no limit to what she says, and the scenes...they make you want to burst into laughter, squirm a little bit but most of all it makes you feel.

Ms. Cole's writing voice is fresh, quirky, and fun. Great job on this book!




Author Bio:   
Courtney Cole is a novelist who lives near Lake Michigan.  Her favorite place in the world is on the shore with her toes in the water.  Although, since she is deathly afraid of sea gulls, it makes days at the beach interesting.

Courtney is the author of several YA series (The Paradise Diaries, The Bloodstone Saga and The Moonstone Saga) as well as a couple adult series (The Cougar Chronicles and The Minaldi Legacy).  Her next project is a Women’s Contemporary Romance titled If You Stay, which will release on February 12, 2013
To learn more about Courtney, visit her website, www.courtneycolewrites.com

Connect with Courtney!
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3 comments:

  1. This sounds really, really funny and like just what I need on a Monday. Thanks for the spotlight and review

    ReplyDelete