Monday, June 11, 2012

Monday Blues Promotion: June 11

As I was preparing posts for today on Sunday, I thought....wait, is tomorrow really Monday already? Didn't we just have a Monday Blues Promotion post? My how the time is just zooming by!

I had to think long and hard about a topic/ theme. I think I may start taking suggestions. My mind draws a blank sometimes.

But, alas, I have come up with one this week.

Funny. Sarcastic. Witty. Show me your wit. Your humor. Give an excerpt today that will make me laugh, chuckle, giggle, maybe a full fledged laugh attack. I need a smile.

When posting your excerpt, be sure to leave a buy link, Title of book and author name.  Let's have the word count for the excerpts to be no more than 750 words.

And readers, I do hope you're reading these!  We've had some fun excerpts before which has resulted in my wallet crying and yelling at me, but my Kindle is happy. :)

Okay, Let's play! And share, share share! Let's have more readers, let's have more comments!

HAVE FUN! :)

14 comments:

  1. She ought to go. She certainly wanted to. But the idea of walking alone in the woods with the man she’d been warned to stay away from seemed most unimaginable.

    Lena looked at Alec. He was smiling softly, no longer criticizing. His eyes were full of intent. They suggested one thing. Come with me. And your desires will be fulfilled.

    Anticipation consumed her. She reached for his hand. Excitement melted into warmth. Warmth became security. They began to walk together along the moonlit path.

    She felt…safe. As if for the first time since she’d left Westchester, everything was going to be all right. No one could hurt her. Not when she was with Alec. Her skin tingled with warmth as he brushed his thumb across the surface of her hand.

    “Where are we going?” she asked.

    “I thought we were taking risks tonight,” he said with a grin. “You want to be surprised, don’t you?”

    Her cheeks were flushing. She was grateful for the darkness that masked her anxious demeanor.

    He smiled. “Don’t worry. I think you’re going to like this.”

    She imagined she would, considering how much she had enjoyed everything he’d done so far. A part of her was still afraid, but a larger part wanted very much to know where he was taking her. Alec stroked her knuckles as they walked. The feeling was intoxicating, like sweet, dark chocolate. The longer he did it, the more it seemed this simple touch was no longer enough.

    She was drawn from her thoughts as Alec stopped beside a bench. He took a red-and-blue-checkered picnic blanket and slung it over his shoulder.

    “Is that yours?”

    He shrugged. “I just thought you might want something to sit on. Some of us tend to”—he cleared his throat—“dress up a little more than others.”

    Lena laughed. With his hand around hers, she was almost appreciating his wit. “I guess some of us do.”

    He leaned in, his warm breath coming against her ear. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “It’s just past those trees. No peeking. I want you to be surprised.

    “I promise I won’t peek.” She smiled and shut her eyes. A shiver shot up her spine when she realized he was kissing her cheek.

    Lena took an uneasy breath as she walked forward, unable to see what was in front of her. Keeping her arms at her sides, Alec moved her in slow steps. She was taking quite a risk, allowing him to lead her along like this. He could do anything he wanted to her with her eyes closed like this. Oddly enough, the idea was more exciting than it was frightening.

    Guiding her by the shoulders, he walked forward a few more paces. Then he stopped. “All right,” he said. “Open your eyes.

    Lena did as she was told, looking out at the biggest, most beautiful lake she’d ever seen. It was vast in size, extending out as far as the trees that surrounded it. Moonlight shined against an uneven surface. Dark ripples glittered beneath a starlit sky.

    She turned, looking up into two eyes as blue as the water. “It’s beautiful, Dr. Westwood.”

    “Say my name, Lena,” he commanded softly. “I love the way it sounds when you say it.

    Lena bit her lip. Once she did this, there was no going back. It would break the unspoken barrier between them. But how could she deny him anything when he was looking at her the way he was?

    She suddenly became aware of Alec’s arousal pressing against her back. Her pulse quickened. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, tightening his hold on her.

    She took a deep breath. “The lake is beautiful, Alec.”

    Excerpt from Dangerous Proposal by Jessica Lauryn, http://www.bookstrand.com/dangerous-proposal

    Thanks for posting this, Nikki!!

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  2. Hi Nikki,
    Thanks for the opportunity!
    Discover the New Bay Cornish series - Making Waves by Nell Dixon http://www.astraeapress.com
    Also available from Amazon in Kindle format. http://www.amazon.com/Making-Waves-ebook/dp/B004MME6CA/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2 and B&N for Nook! Try September Song , A Cornish Christmas and Easter Holiday for other New Bay stories. A New Bay Wedding coming soon.
    Cassidy Jones needs a holiday and her friend's cottage in New Bay sounds perfect. The beach could heal the bruises from losing her job and her fiancé. Perfect for some time alone to gather her thoughts and heal her broken heart.
    Josh Parker is also looking forward to a much needed break after eighteen months of non-stop work. His out of town friend offers her cottage and Josh thinks it would be just right for some time to let his hair down and revive his social life with his old surf buddies.
    One cottage, two unsuspecting occupants, a recipe for romance or disaster?

    An outside table stood empty in the far corner near the seawall under the shade of a gaily striped umbrella. Cassidy took a seat and pulled off her hat, dropping it on the table. She ruffled her hair with her hands in an attempt to restore some bounce to her smooth auburn bob.
    The pretty blonde waitress was busy taking an order from a group of surfers crowded together on a couple of tables near the outdoor service hatch. Cassidy sat back in the shade to wait her turn.
    The male surfers were all wearing black or blue wetsuits, unzippered and rolled down to the waist. Pretty girls in tiny bikinis laughed and chatted as the group placed their orders.
    One of the guys with his back toward her seemed strangely familiar. It was something about his stance and the untidy mop of dark brown hair. Cassidy sat up straight, willing him to turn around so she could see his face. Her heart thumped in a mix of fear and anticipation as she watched him chatting to the girls.
    The waitress came toward her with a pad and pen in hand. Cassidy ordered a fruit juice, her attention still focused on the man with his back to her. Then, just as the waitress left to take Cassidy’s drink order inside the café, he turned around.
    “Cassidy? Cassidy Jones?”
    Her heart sank. It looked as if she had been wrong about not meeting anyone who knew her here in New Bay. Of all the people she hadn’t wanted to bump into,
    “Hello, Josh, what a surprise to see you.” Josh Parker was definitely one of them.
    He crossed the paved area between the tables to come and stand at her table, a bewildered expression on his face. “What brings you here? I thought you and Ethan were supposed to be headed for the Seychelles.” He looked around as if he expected Ethan to suddenly materialize beside her.
    Cassidy bit her lip. It looked as if her famously work-obsessed boss hadn’t heard the news.
    “I didn’t get married.” She tried not to sound terse. In her head she’d practised how she would tell people and explain to them what had happened. Now, confronted in the last place on earth she had expected to see someone she knew, all her carefully chosen phrases deserted her. “Ethan dumped me.”
    Josh looked confused. “So, you’re not married?”
    Cassidy clenched her teeth. “No.”
    “Oh.”
    She did a mental eye-roll. For a supposedly intelligent man who’d built up a thriving dotcom marketing business, Josh could be mystifyingly dense. “Are you here on holiday?” She prayed he’d say no, that he was just a day tripper. He hadn’t taken a holiday to her knowledge for over a year.
    “I’m here for three weeks. I’m staying in a friend’s cottage.” He made a vague gesture in the direction of the cliffs.
    Cassidy’s heart sank. Not only was he staying in New Bay, but her cottage was on the cliffs overlooking the sea, too.
    © Nell Dixon 2010
    http://www.nelldixon.com
    Romance with Heart
    Look out for September Song, A Cornish Christmas and Easter Holiday with New Bay Wedding releasing this month!

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    1. I'm going to have to look for these!

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  3. Looks like fun. I have to play, too. Here's an excerpt from The Next Best Bride, my historical romance about twin sisters who switch places at the altar, and the bad boy rake of an earl who finds himself in a dangerous predicament -- married to a woman who is falling in love with him instead of to her unsentimental sister as planned.

    "Could you be happy without your drawing?" His gaze was searching. He wanted the truth.
    Without meaning to, Helena answered honestly. "No." She held her breath, certain that he would be angry.
    He smiled broadly and gave her shoulder an approving squeeze. "Then you do not have to live without it."
    "A wife ―"
    "Don't say a wife must put her husband's wishes first." He shook his head. "Perhaps if you had married some other man. But not with me as your husband. Have you ever wished to go to Paris to study with the masters upon the Seine?"
    That was a wish too private to share. "I could not."
    "Why not?"
    She was astonished he needed to ask. "I am not talented enough. Besides, I am a woman .... "
    He halted her excuses with a look of reproof.
    "Would Ros have let that stand in her way if she had your talent?" His finger tapped against the sketch of Ros. Her sister stood fearless upon the bow of the ship, shoulders back, legs wide, a smile of anticipation lighting her face in an almost unearthly fashion.
    But even Ros had to pay a price for choosing adventure.
    "Ros does not desire a home and family, my lord. A woman cannot have both happily, unless she is extraordinary."
    "Nonsense. You can have whatever you wish." He paused. "For example, have you ever sketched a nude?"
    "Many times." She had a plaster miniature of the famed David done by Michelangelo. She knew the lines of it by heart, now.
    "Have you now?" He inched a little closer, although Helena would have thought that impossible but a moment before. "Again you astonish me."
    "The lines of the human form are classic. There is no shame in sketching them," Helena answered a little briskly, misliking the gleam in her husband's eye.
    "Still, for a sheltered miss to have a nude model ― was it your lover, by chance?"
    "Of course not."
    "Ros?" He sounded puzzled.
    Did he know her sister that little? "Ros would not like to be captured in so vulnerable a state."
    "Who, then, did you paint without clothing?"
    "David, of course."
    "David ... ?"
    She sighed. Did he know nothing of art? She should have guessed it the way he seemed to think her own work masterful. ''The statue of David. Done by the artist Michelangelo? Have you never heard of it? It is quite famous."
    "A statue?" He seemed disappointed, but not angrily so. Instead, a grin had crept wide upon his mouth, showing his dimple again. "So you have never had a living, breathing nude human form for you to sketch?"
    "Of course not." She had wished to. But William had proved shy ― or rather she had interpreted his reluctance as reticence. No doubt he had been afraid that something so tangible as a nude sketch of him might get him trapped into a marriage he evidently did not want. "It would not be proper."
    He shook his head at her as if to reprove a recalcitrant child. "You are married to me, now. I would not object."

    The Next Best Bride is available for Kindle, Nook, Sony and IBook. http://ow.ly/bvbNg

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    Replies
    1. Totally my kind of story! Love twins switching places!! Thanks!

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  4. Storm heard off-key singing when he opened the back door. He quietly toed off his boots in the mudroom before stepping into the kitchen.
    An open laptop sat on the wooden kitchen table. Beside it was a mug of steaming tea. On the counter, a loaf of wheat bread rested next to a jar of peanut butter. Protruding from the opened refrigerator was a cute behind, covered by baggy yellow pajama bottoms, wiggling to the beat of the song being sung. “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name.”
    The off-tune singing stopped, but that perfectly rounded bottom continued to wiggle. “Pickles...pickles. Surely there are pickles in this huge refrigerator. Maybe some of those sweet little gherkins. Oh, look, cottage cheese. You give love a bad name…” The off-tune singer extracted a container from the crowded contents of the refrigerator, absently reaching out to set it on the counter.
    Sneaking up behind her in his stocking feet, he placed a hand on the edge of the open door of the refrigerator and leaned over her bent body.
    She moved a pitcher of orange juice. “Okay, pickles, where are you hiding?”
    “Check behind the milk.”
    Rachel yelped and spun around, her hand to her heart. Her big blue eyes opened impossibly wide. “You! Wha...what are you doing here?”
    He held out his hand. “Hello, Rachel. I’m Storm Masterson, Sunny’s twin brother.”
    “You…you’re Sunny’s brother? Don’t you dare touch me.” She made a fist and had the audacity to shake it under his nose. He didn’t know whether to laugh or paddle that cute behind she’d been wiggling earlier. “You…you just keep your hands and your lips to yourself. You…you naked, kissing bandit.”

    Storm’s Interlude by Vonnie Davis

    Published by The Wild Rose Press

    Buy Link: http://amzn.to/KlAT0z

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for allowing us to share...

    Evie charged through the swinging door from the bar to the kitchen and skidded to a stop. It couldn’t be. Although his back was toward her, there was no mistaking the height and the broad muscled shoulders. This mystery nephew of Gus’s was the guy who’d remarked on her eyes. Her stomach did a little twitchy dance, nerves no doubt. She ran her suddenly damp palms over her short skirt and cleared her throat. “Excuse me. Win?”
    No answer.
    She took a couple steps closer and noticed he was washing vegetables under a spray of water. “Win?”
    No reply.
    Evie rolled her eyes and stepped behind him, tapping him on the back. The man dropped the strainer, swung around and grabbed her forearms. In a flurry of movement, he snatched her off the floor and backed her against the stainless steel counter. Cold wet hands viced her arms. Her eyes snapped wide and the air whooshed from her lungs when his body slammed into hers.
    “Don’t do that!” Win’s eyes were narrowed and his breathing rapid. His jaw was clenched and a vein bulged in his forehead. The man was every inch the warrior, every hard tensed inch. He held her mid-air, so close they were nearly eyeball to eyeball. As his gaze traveled over her face and awareness evidently crept in as to the sex of his attacker, several inches of his frame hardened even more.
    Evie swallowed. Oh, good Lord.
    He glared and his nostrils flared.
    “I…I’m sorry. I called your name, but…but you didn’t answer. I was only trying to get your attention.” Her lips twitched at the humor in the situation. Hadn’t Keira told her the man lost part of his hearing? Evidently she’d startled him. Poor soul. She felt a portion of herself return. A portion she’d hidden for so long; that light-hearted part of her soul that teased and cajoled. “Honest, I wasn’t trying to attack you.” She placed an open palm on his defined pecs and patted. “You’re safe with me, big guy.” Just to rattle him some more, she winked.
    Win’s hazel eyes flashed for a second. Then he slowly leaned in and whispered in her ear, “You’re not safe with me.” A shiver galloped pell-mell through her. He smelled of pine soap and musk. His short spiky straw-colored hair tickled her neck when he lowered his head a fraction. Her eyebrows furrowed in question. Had he just kissed her below the ear? It was so brief, so feather light her mind wasn’t sure. Her nipples, though, piped up in confirmation. Hell yeah, he kissed you! Me next, me next!

    THOSE VIOLET EYES by Vonnie Davis
    Releases on June 27th from The Wild Rose Press
    Buy Link: http://bit.ly/ThoseVioletEyes

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  6. This funny excerpt is taken from my novel Love's Prophecy, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00702YWF0

    “Are you serious?” Breeana asked. She bent forward in her seat, laughing.

    “Yeah, he did,” Mel replied with a laugh. “I thought Ace was gonna murder Kal for sure.”

    She reached for a nacho chip from a plate on the center of the table, then popped it into her mouth. “Why didn't he?”

    Kal grabbed a chip dripping with cheese. “He would have, but I hid in Roarik and Celeene's closet.” He crunched down on the chip, then laughed. “The one place I knew Ace wouldn't look.”

    Breeana wiped her hands on a napkin and leaned back. “How long was he itching?”

    Kal stood up and opened the fridge. “I think a good three days.” He grabbed out three beer cans, slid two across the antique trestle table and cracked his open. He took a long drink, then burped.

    Mel pulled the tab on his. “You put itching powder in all his boxers, didn't you?”

    With his mouth full of beer, Kal started laughing.

    When liquid shot out of Kal's nose, Mel lost it. Shoulders shaking, he tilted his head back and roared with laughter.

    The sound was music to Breeana's ears. She smiled as Mel tried to get himself back under control but couldn't. His joy warmed her heart. Especially after last night’s horrific trip into his past. It amazed her how he had endured so much physical and emotional torture. And not only did he survive, but he survived with his heart still in the right place. He had internal scars and issues, most revolving around his own misguided guilt but from what she'd seen so far, his soul remained intact.

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  7. Thanks for the opportunity, Nikki. Hope it makes you smile.


    Standing as good as naked on the deserted beach, she smiled as the warm breeze caressed her bare body. The sense of being slightly naughty added to her delight in the sensual feel of the air as it dried her breasts. Her nipples peaked as the wind cooled them. She strutted down to the water’s edge to sink her toes in the sand, the salty tang in the air adding to the perfect moment.
    “If you’re skinny dipping, you forgot to remove one very important piece of clothing.”
    She whirled around. Roger stood on the beach behind her, a green bottle of Perrier in one hand. His gaze played up and down her naked torso and his salacious grin widened. “Mind if I join you?”
    She gasped, wrapping her arms across her chest to shield her breasts from his hot gaze. “What the hell are you doing back here?”
    “I came to make peace.” He waved the bottle at her. “Thought you might be thirsty by now.”
    Her eyes fastened on the green glass, her mouth suddenly dry as though she’d eaten sand. She took a step toward him then froze, unwilling to take anything from Roger, not there anyway. That would make her feel weak, dependent. At this moment, though, she had to acknowledge, she was weak, dependent and thirsty.
    “Come on, Pam. It’s only water.” He still held the tempting thing out to her. Damn. She tromped up to him, her steps thumping as loud as she could make them on the packed sand. Stopping an arm’s length from him, she peeled one hand away from her breasts and shifted her other to cover as much as possible. For once, she thanked God for a B cup. She snared the bottle, shot him a look of triumph, only to realize it remained capped. To open it she’d have to use her other hand.
    Furious, she shifted her gaze from the tantalizing object to his gleeful eyes. “Would you open this for me, please?”
    “Suddenly lost all your strength, have you, hon?” His eyes took on a hunger she remembered. “It’s not as if I’ve never seen your breasts before.”
    “Then you don’t need to see them again, do you?” Heat rose in her cheeks. “Come on, open it. You said it was a peace offering.”
    “And these are part of the peace negotiations.” He stood, arms crossed over his muscled chest, better looking than she remembered. Not fair.
    “I’m bored. My date still hasn’t turned up, so I thought I’d come harass you a while. I’ll tell you what.” He reached for the Perrier and unscrewed the cap, but didn’t offer it to her. “You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.”
    “And why would I want to see yours again?” Her eyes remained on the bottle resting at his hips and watched the carbonated bubbles rising to the top.
    “For old time’s sake?” His eyes flashed with mischief as he tipped the sparkling water up and started to drink. She stared, her parched lips opened in outrage. Glug, glug. He made that sound on purpose. Was he going to drink the whole damned thing?
    After swallowing at least a third of the contents, he came up for air. “Ah! Hits the spot every time.” He grinned. “Still can’t take a joke? Too bad. Here.” He thrust it toward her. Grabbing with both hands, she shoved the end into her mouth so quick the glass clicked against her teeth. Greedily, she sucked in and almost choked. The exquisite, light lime-flavored water rushed into her body to hydrate the parched cells. Three more guzzles and she breathed deeply, satisfied for the moment.
    She pulled the lip away and wiped her hand across her chin where she had dribbled some. Holding it out to him, she noticed his slack-jawed attention riveted straight on her chest. Which meant….
    “You still look fine, Pam. Mighty fine.” Her ex-husband licked his lips, his grin reaching almost ear to ear. If there weren’t still some water left in the bottle, she’d brain him with it.

    ALMOST PERFECT by Jenna Jaxon
    Buy Link: http://www.decadentpublishing.com/product_info.php?manufacturers_id=132&products_id=416&osCsid=6c1232251c1e45744bd0b3ee7262f414

    Thanks again!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Better late than never

    Excerpt from Sexy Red Hood - my Twisted fairy tale
    New Dawning International Bookfair - http://www.newdawningbookfair.com/
    Amazon – http://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Hood-Twisted-Fairy-ebook/dp/B0055L1KJY
    Smashwords - http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/66071
    All Romance Ebooks – http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-sexyredhood-562333-149.html
    Kobo - http://www.kobobooks.com/search/search.html?q=Daryl+Devore&t=none&f=author&p=1&s=averagerating&g=both


    A water droplet landed on her cheek and startled her. Red Hood wiped it and opened her eyes. "Welcome back sleepy head." Chopper wiped his hand on his shorts and placed the glass of water on the table.
    "Have I been out long?" She looked at her watch and wondered what time she'd fallen asleep.
    "I've been here about five minutes." He jumped up. "OK, now that you're awake, I just have to tell you. This song popped into my head and it's driving me crazy."
    Red dropped her e-reader into her beach bag and waited for him to continue.
    "It's the Red Riding Hood song. I think Sam the Sham and the Prophets sang it. It's from like the mid-sixties."
    She shook her head. "Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. And it took you long enough to get there. Most people start cracking jokes within minutes of hearing my name."
    "I wasn't focused yesterday. But today, I'm Michael Jackson!" He stepped right and left and snapped his fingers.
    "Little Red Riding Hood.
    You sure are looking good.
    You're everything that a big, bad wolf could want."
    He spun around and posed, one arm at his crotch and flung the other up in the air. "Owooooooo!"
    Trying to keep a straight face, Red asked, "You aren't going to send in an application for American Idol, are you? Oh, and maybe not for that dance show thing, either."
    "What, you don't like my dancin'?" He shook his knees in and out and flapped his arms like a chicken, then made two-handed stirring motions, like he was in front of a large cauldron. "Why are you laughing? I'm just getting started." He leaned forward and jerked up his right hand. "It's called the lawn mower. But, if you do it this way…" He straightened and repeated the pulling motion. "Then it's called the chain saw. Oh. Oh. And now for the big finale. The Moonwalk."
    He slid his right foot back and popped his left heel, then slid that foot back. Red had to admit he did a good version of Michael's famous move – until he backed into the waiter and knocked a tray of drinks onto the passengers seated near her.
    Trying to catch her breath, Red watched him try to apologize and help wipe the drinks off the annoyed couple. After the waiter told him, for the sixth time, that he could deal with the situation, Chopper took the hint and sat next to Red.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks, Nikki. This is fun.

    from Switched, Too by Diane Burton, available for Kindle at http://tinyurl.com/7bcusnv
    and for Nook at http://tinyurl.com/cz8hz5w

    Be careful what you wish for...you might get it.

    Scott Cherella's lifelong dream to go into space quickly becomes a nightmare. Veronese Qilana must protect him, a Terran masquerading as a starship captain. When sabotage erupts, they must work together to get the crew safely home. In doing so, they discover opposites really do attract.


    Scott tucked his lightsource into the backpack. "Shine your light up on the wall. I'll go first and pull you up." Climbing sheer rock faces was not for those whose main source of exercise was running through a holographic room. Neese would never make it.
    "I am capable of climbing," she said. "Do not treat me like a helpless fem who needs constant protection." She hooked her lightsource on her utility belt.
    In the sudden darkness, it took a while for his eyes to adjust. "Fem, huh? Never heard you use that one. By the way—" He started climbing. "—I have never thought you were helpless. Am I wrong in thinking I have more rock climbing experience than you?"
    "You have a lot of experience?"
    Without her light, it was difficult to see the handholds. Difficult but not impossible. As he climbed, she followed—rather nimbly, he saw with chagrin.
    "You might consider getting the lead out, Captain." There was a smirk in her voice. "What experience do you have?" she repeated from just below him.
    He'd better get moving or she would pass him. "I climb every chance I get. Rockies, Cascades, Denali."
    "Denali? That is the tallest mountain in North America, is that not correct? In one of the holo-rooms, I have climbed Mt. Placid, the tallest mountain on Serenia. I believe it is two hundred meters taller than your Denali."
    "Bragging?" When he reached the ledge, he hauled himself over. He pulled out his lightsource and laid it on the ledge next to him. The light shone on the opposite wall and reflected off the verilion.
    With surprising agility, she reached the last handhold, but unlike him with his longer arms, she couldn't reach the ledge.
    "Now, would you help, Lieutenant?" When she didn't answer, he added, "It's a little hard to talk with crow in your mouth, isn't it? Want that hand now?"
    "You are lucky I was raised a pacifist. It wouldn't take much to pull out my blaster and let you have it right now."
    "Oh," he said innocently. "You would give me your gun?"
    She mumbled something that sounded like "Yeah, right up your—"
    "Beg your pardon, did you say something?"
    Smiling sweetly, she said, "Yes, please."

    ReplyDelete